


yeeter yarker and co

by PrinceDork



Series: Marvel [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Wanda Maximoff, Crack, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gay T'Challa, Genderfluid Loki, IronStrange, Lesbian Hela, Lesbian Natasha Romanov, M/M, Pansexual Peter Parker, Pansexual Tony Stark, Pansexual deadpool, Pietro Lives, Stucky - Freeform, Thor and Hela and Loki being siblings, Thor and Loki being brothers, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Trans Peter Parker, Twitter Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-01-24 12:57:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21338632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceDork/pseuds/PrinceDork
Summary: Peter Parker and his Avenger friends get a twitter. I think we all know what this means.---
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Maria Rambeau, Hela & Loki & Thor (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Loki & Thor, Peter Parker & Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Series: Marvel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538278
Comments: 323
Kudos: 790





	1. Welcome to Heck

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [sleep deprived superheroes (and twitter aren't a good mix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19380151) by [burdenedwithgloriousfandoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms/pseuds/burdenedwithgloriousfandoms). 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
so uh,,, guess i got a twitter now 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
am i the offical spoder? for now, this case will remain,,,,, unsOlVed

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
owo whats this????????

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
ahh good show 10/10 

spider man fanboi @flashflash  
i can’t wait until spider man gets an offical twitter,,, <3

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
sorry im taken 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
>:c 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
!!! it sister shuri!!! 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
hello spider child. still not ur sister

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
:O 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
it spider!!! welcome to hell!!!

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
it yeeter!! thank i feel v welcome 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
welcome to hell man of spiders

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
stop cALLING ME THAT MX LOKI 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
no 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
:c

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
:c

pikachu @deadpool  
who is this man???? 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
no dp im sorry he’s a friend he made my new suit

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
hi mr deadpool sir im peter 

pikachu @deadpool  
fine he can stay

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
rad thanks mr deadpool sir


	2. skskskskskskspageti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki is genderfluid vscogirl, stove made spagetti, pietro is alive

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
friendly reminder to support genderfluid rights 

alex @human-i-guess  
i never thought i would see the day i would call loki my hero 

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
loki is an icon 

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
tony stark just bought me a hydroflask and i have accepted my fate

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
n o mx loki ma’am pls no

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
sksksk save the turtles 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
it’s too late peter, we cant save them 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
noooooooooooooooo

God Of Hammers @Thor-Odinson  
What am I witnessing

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr thor sir i think ur sibling has fallen to the dark side

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
s c r u n c h i e s s s s s s s 🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

Me Gay @bucaneer-bernes  
steeb made spaget 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩  
also rip loki

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
yes steeb spaget 💦💦💦💦💦💦

Captian Queer @steven-rogers  
I have now elected that neither of you are going to eat my spaghetti

Me Gay @bucaneer-bernes  
even me??? ur one true love????? 💔

Captian Queer @steven-rogers  
No 

Me Gay @bucaneer-bernes  
ur sleeping on the couch tonight >:c

Captian Queer @steven-rogers  
I know you wont last five minutes without me

Me Gay @bucaneer-bernes  
shit u rite

\---

sondic @sp33diskey  
binches i live

witch binch @scarletwitch  
shite


	3. boomer noises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> steeb is a boomer, pietro is sacrificed, loki is a childe

Captain Queer @steven-rogers  
Can someone explain to me what ‘owo’ and ‘uwu’ mean? Peter, Spider-man and Loki have been saying it constantly and I fear for my life

sondic @sp33diskey   
hahah boomer

Captain Queer @steven-rogers  
I’m not???? A boomer??? I was born before that era???????? 

sondic @sp33diskey  
ok boomer

i thot u were american @shuriofwakanda  
uwu 

Captain Queer @steven-rogers  
?????

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
so according to thor’s girlfriend and her weird number cube i am approximately 17 years old to you mortals,,, like in human years

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
its kinda like dogs and you midguardians are the dogs so like 100 something years for u is like 1 for me

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
so i am offically gen z 

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
You’re a teenager???????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i guess ur my sibling now loki mr stark has offically adopted u 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
n o hiss get away from me b00mer 

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Who said im adopting the god?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
the fact that loki is a) younger than u b) has interacted with u more than 3 times and c) has big brain 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i also can see u   
(*blurry picture of Tony Stark sitting in his lab, staring at a screen with a picture of Loki on it. There are bars covering the picture, indicating this was taken in a vent in the ceiling*)

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
@hawkeyeoffical explain yourself

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
(*shaky video from the same vent as peter, zooming into Tony who is glaring at his phone. We hear Peter cackling quietly behind him*)

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
(*video of Tony looking up and shouting something, throwing a screwdriver to the vent as we see the camera shake and loud thumping as the two frantically scramble away*)

Dr. Banner @hulkout  
I told you to make those vents smaller

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
dont u dare

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
@sp33diskey son stop making such a mess

sondic @sp33diskey  
:O papa dont expose me

Captian Queer @steven-rogers  
I’ve found the culprit

sondic @sp33diskey  
pAPA HE’S COMING FOR ME LET ME IN 

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
u chose ur fate 

sondic @sp33diskey  
i will remember this papa… i will follow u even after death,,, i will always be near,,,, stealing ur pizza and donuts,,,, and ur left sock,,,,, u will be left with only right socks,,, u will be alone,,, you will wake in the night and see me,,, i will never leave u 

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
ok 

\---

Captian Queer @steven-rogers  
I need a nap…

sondic @sp33diskey  
ok boomer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry ive been posting so much but like,,,, why do schoolwork when u can write crackfics??


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter likes ass, musicals are a cult, pietro is still alive, clint sacrifices him again

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
not to be horny on main but ass

pikachu @deadpool  
whos ass? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour   
wouldnt u like to know weather boy

pikachu @deadpool  
I will not stand by and watch these lIES

spoder @spider-man-offical  
its ok dp i got tacos for u <3

pikachu @deadpool  
thank <3

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
:O my ass has left me :c

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
what the fuck did i just read

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
not to be controversial but pls leave me alone just bc im not obsessed with musicals doesnt mean im a criminal 

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
oh thank god someone finally said it!!! People get so pissed at me because id rather watch the play and so i dont listen to the musicals like???????????? its personal opinion??? 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
like ive had so many people turn against me bc i dont like listing to musicals like,,,,,, rood

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
yeah but like,,,, musicals

\---

sondic @sp33diskey  
i lived again binch

witch binch @scarlettwitch  
shite 

sondic @sp33diskey  
>:c

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
whoever drew a giant dick on my face is gonna get stABBED

spoder @spider-man-offical  
>:c who dare vandalize

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
someone finna die 

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
it was pietro i watched him do it from the v e nt s 

sondic @sp33diskey  
papa how come u keep betraying me like this

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
you know why bitch 

sondic @sp33diskey  
ur hair looks v good with rainbow colours wdym

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
i was vANDALIZED by the gAYS 

sondic @sp33diskey  
im bi bitch

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
rainbows were trademarked by the gays and i wont stand by and watch this happen

sondic @sp33diskey  
just bc ur aro doesnt mean u can bully anyone who has a hEART

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
no yall nasty 

sondic @sp33diskey  
fRCI K HE FOUND ME HELP PAPA HELP LEP KFN 

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
f

witch binch @scarlettwitch  
f

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
f


	5. 👁️👄👁️

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iconic queer quotes, 👁️👄👁️👁️👄👁️👁️👄👁️, spider-man ass account

kitty @CheshireCat  
“if it breathes, i smash” my pansexual s/o

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
stOP >:C

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
my new bio 

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
N O

pikachu @deadpool  
pan squad, assemble

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i was summoned

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Like father, like son

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
MR DAD :O 

sondic @sp33diskey  
ace/aro squad, assemble

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
like father, like shite

sondic @sp33diskey  
>:C

amole @samwilson  
👁️👄👁️

\---

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
new name uwu

amole @samwilson  
we match <3

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
ay bro no homo

Captian Dad @steven-rogers  
we’re literally fiancees 

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
where did u come from stEEV 👁️👄👁️👁️👅👁️👁️👄👁️👁️👅👁️👁️👄👁️👁️👅👁️👁️👄👁️👁️👅👁️👁️👄👁️

Captain Dad @steven-rogers  
Please never use those emojis again

amole @samwilson  
👁️👅👁️

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
👁️👅👁️

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
👁️👅👁️

i thot u were american @ShuriOfWakanda  
👁️👅👁️

sondic @sp33diskey  
👁️👅👁️

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
👁️👅👁️

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
👁️👅👁️

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
👁️👅👁️

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
👁️👅👁️

Captain Dad @steven-rogers  
Im deleting this app

\---

spider man fanboi @flashflash  
I’m straight but spider man is hot

im lesbian @BestBossLady  
stop denying it you’re totally gay for @spider-man-offical

spider man fanboi @flashflash  
nO DONT TAG HIM ALSO IM NOT GAY IM STRAIGHT I’VE HAD LOADS OF GIRLFRIENDS

\---

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
I found an account dedicated solely to pictures of my ass and idk how to feel about this

pikachu @deadpool  
👁️👅👁️💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
i think i just found out who runs it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if u have ideas/requests for the upcoming chapters please send them!!!!!!!!!!!!! im like dumb and cant think of things
> 
> thanks for reading! love yall! <333333
> 
> ((also if u wanna be in the chapters please let me know! i need usernames lol))


	6. wikihow to be trans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cap learns about how to say No Homo Bro, Spidey is a good boy, Loki is a criminal, Peter is trans but a good boy

Captain Dad @steven-rogers  
Today, I was sitting in the park when I saw a pair of men who were obviously on a date. Holding hands, kissing, everything. They stopped near me and like full on made-out, and when they split up one of them said “no homo bro” and then they kept going.

Captain Dad @steven-rogers  
I’m so confused? Like, they were obviously homo????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
lol it’s a meme kinda. people like joke about doing something really gay but if they say “no homo” then they’re not gay 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
it’s an effective system 

Captian Dad @steven-rogers  
How does that work?? 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
idk lol it’s just funny

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
Girl 1: *fricks a girl*  
Girl 1: no homo bro  
Girl 2: aight  
and we all live happily ever after

Captian Dad @steven-rogers  
I…

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
we’re gen z don’t question us

\---

noods @noodlen  
I just saw Spider-man save a bunch of people in a bus when it almost ran into a store. Damn he stRONK. also he a hero, good boy spidey

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
!!! thank !!! 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
spidey is good boy and anyone who says otherwise is gonna get stabbed

\---

The Daily Bugle @DailyBugleOffical  
Spiderman pretending to be saving lives is causing more deaths than ever before! Click HERE (https://youtu.be/MDvWh37c3cE) to read more!

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
I love knives, they’re so efficient :)

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
why is top surgery so expensive 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr stark just came to me with like,,, red eyes ((98% sure he was crying but shhh)) and aggressively reminded me he is a billionaire and i can help myself to his money bc of my internship

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
wiki how to explain to ur super rich dad that u dont want to waste his money so ur trying to earn it urself

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
ewww its so expensive. ive given up on that dream and am just settling with crushing my lungs and ribcage with a chest binder

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
obviously the superior method 

\---

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Wikihow to explain to your poor son that you’re super rich and can afford top surgery for him so that he doesn’t hurt himself wearing a binder all the time

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
carefully sneak money into his top surgery savings little bits at a time so he doesn’t notice

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
You, my friend, are a genius

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
im not, i just love peter, but thanks mr stark <3

\---

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
I just held a conversation about Tony Stark about how to care for his trans son and im going to cry this is the best

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
he called me his friend and a genius im sobbing

kitty @CheshireCatVirgil  
:O ur friends with tony stark confirmed?????

\---

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
Does anyone notice that I spell Captain wrong most of the time and alternate between the correct and incorrect spelling constantly

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
i bet i just ruined this book for u. ur welcome uwu


	7. we love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was feelin soft uwu
> 
> thor comforts carol after people be sexist, we love thor, bruce tryna help peter be trans, t'challa big dumb gay, loki steals gender

the big gay @captianmar-vel  
i love me some sexism :) 

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Why would someone be sexist? Women are great! 

the big gay @captianmar-vel  
Because some men are not ready to accept that just because I don’t have a dick doesn’t mean I can’t kick their asses

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
They just have a small ego. Do not let them put you down, Carol. You are likely more powerful than even me! 

the big gay @captianmar-vel  
Thanks big guy <3

\---

noods @noodlen  
@thor-odinson is such a good person and i love him

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
thor is the best!!! he’s so sweet and supportive of everyone, even if he has no idea what’s going on. 

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
Thor protection squad, assemble!

Retweets:  
spoder man @spider-man-offical  
yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
Sorcerer Supreme @Dr-Stephen-Strange  
Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Dr. Banner @hulkout  
nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
pikachu @deadpool  
Captian Dad @steven-rogers  
guac @buckaneer-bernes  
Toaster @vision-offical  
witch binch @scarletwitch  
sondic @sp33diskey  
robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
amole @samwilson  
the big gay @captainmar-vel

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Thank you, everyone!! <3

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
in this house we love thor 

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Thank you, @strawberry_mochi ! I appreciate the support!

\---

Dr. Banner @hulkout  
Wikihow to tell your son that you love and support him and don’t want him to hurt his body by wearing a chest binder constantly so you are willing to help him get surgery

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
you have no idea how many people have come to me after that tweet telling me to let mr stark get me top surgery. literally dr banner even said if i was worried about people he would do it for me. im not crying u are

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
they care a lot about u peter, u should accept. we dont want u to hurt urself

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i would but im not sure if im quite ready for it, i think ill wait

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
that’s perfectly okay! this is a huge deal and you can wait as long as you want! just remember to be careful with your binder and dont hurt yourself

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ah thanks!!!!!

\---

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
when ur big brother is both a great king and a dumbass gay

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
👀👀👀

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
it’s exposing t’challa o’clock   
buckle up bitches

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
hes a dumbass thirsty gay who is head over heels for this other prince with big muscles and every time they meet each other the other guy is like shirtless and t’challa is like ‘unga bunga big muscle me gay’ and like has so much trouble talking it’s hilarious

nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
sHURI STOP 

nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
YOU LIAR 

nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
STOP EXPOSING ME 

and peggy @Unimpressively_Me  
keep going shuri, leave no stone unturned

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
the other day some really hot guy showed up to ask for some help with some nerd project and t’challa just,,, stared at him bc he was so thirsty

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
okoye literally had to take over for him and explain that we would think about it

and peggy @Unimpressively_Me  
t’challa is iconic tbh

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
the hero we need 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
he’s also 100% a bottom

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
king t’challa is a bottom confirmed

noods @noodlen  
im crying this is amazing

nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
i hate shuri with every fiber of my being

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
<3 love u too brother

\---

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
when a god steals all ur gender @snake-of-asgard

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
ur welcome🐍

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
breaking news: god of lies and mischief has now become a criminal by stealing people’s gender

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
im pretty sure loki invented gender tbh

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
ur gender = mine

doot doot @SimplySKipper  
shite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! i have over 1,000 hits??? idk what hits are but i think it's good?? also like 65 kudos????? THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH AHHHHH IT MEANS SO MUCH
> 
> ((also im stealing usernames of people who comment sorry <3))


	8. ass dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ass  
also im v tired

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
can we take a moment to appreciate steven rogers’ ass

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
like every time i see him im just like 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

pikachu @deadpool  
that man got tasty ass, but my boi spidey got better 💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
eXCUSE ME STEEB HAS BEST ASS

pikachu @deadpool  
nO SPIDEY DO. DUMMY THICC BOI, CANT WIN ANY STEALTH MISSIONS BECAUSE OF THAT C L A P 

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
u are no longer aquanted w/ me

pikachu @deadpool  
i think we should leave it to the commenters. who has best ass: spidey or stove? 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
do u ever get the urge to aggressively quote things?

jojo @Jocelyn.exe  
go for it my guy

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
u have doomed us all

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
and what can u do, my feminine fellow?

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
i can succ ur dicc

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ha! No.

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
ur loss

jojo @Jocelyn.exe  
aaaand im lost

\---

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
for those who have been asking; yes, i have seen dp’s and bicky’s tweets. and bicy is right, my ass is nothing compared to cap’s. 

\---

Captain Dad @steven-rogers  
Sometimes I really wish I had stayed in that ice.

\---

rickrolled @NikoFelix  
when u wanna go to sleep bc ur v tired but like,,, u also dont

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
why else do u think i can recite the entirety of “A New Map of America” by CallMeCarson from memory at any moment of the day

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
or what im doing rn lol

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
same lol, im not like anxious or anything i just….dont

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Go to sleep children

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
u too mr stark 

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
ur not my dad

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
No, but I can call him right now

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
!!! u dont even know who I am????

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
I know your father worked at google for over ten years and that you currently attend public school for the first time since fourth grade. I know you currently have two dogs, named Taters and Maisey, and your little sister goes to a charter school. I know your mom is currently attending college to become a teacher. Need I say more, ‘Jordan’?

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
this is an invasion of my privacy!!! >:CCCC

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
but thanks for not like telling toopersonal stuff. ill go to sleep mr stark, tho u should too. gnite 

\---

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
about to head to bead but tony stark just dad’ed me and idk how to feel????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
welcome to the family ig. u might secretly have superpowers or a superbrain like spidey or me. he stalked us before he eventually kidnapped us so we could help him out. also, they dont tell u this in school, but spidey beat bicky bernes and steeb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this accidently became a bit self-indulgency, sirry yall haha. i just love tony and wish he could be my dad and support me and all that. anyway if u want me to stop i can lol, im just like,,, <3 mr dad pls
> 
> also its currently midnight and my melatonin pills are at war with my crachead self skskskskksksks


	9. huffledor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gatorade, conversations about houses, US vs Australia, and more ass

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
update: i fell asleep and am doing alright, but like i just reread @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms’ fanfiction for the 10000th time and like when i finished i like woke up it was hella weird

door doot @SimplySkipper  
summary: im v tired but i have to do educational things

\---

James the King @Crystal_Gatorade  
no homo but id suck ur dick for a gatorade 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
my new twitter bio

im lesbian @BigBossLady  
flash @ spiderman 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
tbh i think i’d be a ravenclaw 

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
a wise man (rtgame) once said that everyone who wants to be in ravenclaw is actually a hufflepuff

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
tbh peter is a hufflepuff

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Ooh, are these Hogwarts Houses from Harry Potter? Which do you guys think I would be?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
probably somewhere between a gryffindor and a hufflepuff

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
I’m trying to remember which those are, forgive me if I’m wrong. Gryffindor is the red and gold house, known for being brave? The one Potter is in? And Hufflepuff is the yellow and black house, known for being loyal? With Cedric Diggory?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
yup! 100% right! 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
:D 

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
:D

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
And can I guess the other two??

the big gay @captainmar-vel  
Go for it, big guy!!!

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Okay, so I’m pretty sure there’s a blue and yellow(?) house called Ravenclaw, known for being super smart. Luna Lovegood was in that one, I’m pretty sure. And the final house is Slytherin, green and silver, known for being cunning? With Malfoy in it? 

noods @noodlen  
So close! Ravenclaw is blue and copper, but everything else is right!!

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
good job mr thor!!!!!!

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Thank you! I’m only on the fifth book, I’m a much slower reader than my sibling, but I’m enjoying the series! I’m trying to remember everything so I can talk to everyone else about it, it seems that I’m the only one in the world who hasn’t read the series!

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
oh my godd thor is such a good boy <3333

noods @noodlen  
hes trying so hard to connect with people!!!! gah hes so good

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
im a slytherin 🐍🐍🐍

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
that house was practically born to be mine

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
idk, i kinda get ravenclaw vibes off of u 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
🐍🐍🐍 no 🐍🐍🐍

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
r u sure about that

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
do not test me, boy

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
what if we take some quizzes??????

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
the entirety of the internet is wrong, i am a slytherin

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
slytherin to those dms

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
no 

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
slytherin to my heart <3333

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
okay how in the nine realms am i supposed to respond to that

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
lol imagine living in australia

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
lol imagine living in the united states

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
>:O

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
i long for the day where i move to ireland bc us = bad

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
>:O

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
This is what we work for? We spend hours, days, years, risking our lives for these fifty beautiful states, only for people to move to Ireland? 

noods @noodlen  
tbh the only good thing that came out of the us is captian america’s ass

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i kinda agree but also aMERICA GOOD YEEHAW

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
>:C no bad

\---

pikachu @deadpool  
yall were supposed to tell us who have better ass; steeb or spidey

pikachu @deadpool  
instead we got someone asking about musicals, someone ((((((((((((((miles)))))))))))) having a seizure over their keyboard, and someone recognizing our beautiful hazbin hotel quotes

pikachu @deadpool  
please the author cannot decide by themself bc both have good ass

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
but nothing beats mothman ass

doot doot @SimplySkipper  
also alastor <333333333333333333333333333 and angel dust <3333333333333333333


	10. coughs in disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is sick, pietro is weird, boycot disney, peter is in pain, tony is(n't) peters dad?????????//

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
when u sicc

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
haha looser

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
binch >:C

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
cmere binch i will cough on u 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
hISS NO GET AWAY 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i have heelies, u cannot escape me

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
sHIT FHuish arUHIOHUIk

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Why is Peter laying on the floor? Wearing Heelies? He’s supposed to be in bED

Dr. Banner @hulkout  
Spider-Man challenged him. He had to accept. 

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Jeezus fucking crist, you guys are mORONS

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr stark is mad at me so now im being held prisoner in my bed

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
How is he holding you prisoner? He’s right here with me? 

sondic @sp33diskey  
c:<

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
hes hiding under my bed

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i am afraid to leave the covers :c

sondic @sp33diskey  
ur toes = mine

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
HE JUST REACHED UP AND GRABBED MY T O E S 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr stark just came in and got really mad and dragged him away. i am once again safe

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
hi my name is loki odinson and welcome to my ted talk

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
why the hECK DID THE HUNTER KILL BAMBI’S MOM?

Is this thing on? @AlSmiles  
Any hunter worth his salt knows not to kill a doe!!

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
exactly!!! im suing disney, join me on my quest to take over this corrupt empire

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
doesn’t disney own u????

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
nO I WILL BREAK FREE FROM THIS TYRANNY

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
yES! BOYCOTT DISNEY

amole @SamWilson  
BOYCOTT DISNEY!!!!

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
cough cough still sick and its that time of momth, pls help me :c

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
excuse me for asking, but aren’t you a boy?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i’m trans and am still saving up for like the pill and surgery, so for now i have to put up with a fajita

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
ohh, thanks for clearing that up! but isnt ur dad like super rich??

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
my dad’s dead lol

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
but??? tony stark????????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
wjqlfhwiruhganiso 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
no, he isn’t my dad, im just his intern ^^

guac @bucaneer-bernes  
hold on what?????????????????????

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
What??? Peter Benjamin Parker, are you telling me Tony isn’t your father????????????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
this isn’t common knowledge???

amole @SamWilson  
no?? me n steeb n nat are sitting together qand we’re all v confused bc like everyone thought u were tony’s kid bc like,,, he totally acts like ur dad

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i mean yeah, i totally look up to him and we’re bros but like????? im not important enough to be his son

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Forgive me for intruding, but Man of Iron acts a lot like how Midguardian fathers should act, or proper fathers in general. Our father was actually quite a bad example of a good dad, but Stark definitely acts like your father, and cares for you like one. 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
fuck dad he was an abusive, bigoted duche who deserved much worse then he got 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
yikes i didn’t realize mr odin was that bad

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
also safohjerofjais thank u mr thor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh im not dead, just really sick. and im experiencing the same pain as peter rn and i want death 
> 
> kinda running out of ideas so is there anything you want to see explored more? any characters you want to see more of? please let me know!!
> 
> ALSO - VERY IMPORTANT  
I want to clear something up that was recently brought to my attention  
"doot doot @SimplySkipper" ((just changed to "Jordan @SimplySkipper")) is NOT skip from the comic!! SimplySkipper is the username i typically use for my username, and i honestly forgot that skip exsisted bc i hated him so much. i just kinda,,,, ignored him until he didnt exsist?? anyways wanted to clear that up, super sorry about that
> 
> i love yall and all the support u give <33333


	11. vibration hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter can't sleep, t'challa is still thirsty gay, pietro fucking dies

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
i can feel myself v i b r a t i n g 

noods @nooodlen  
???? are u ok????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
absolutely not :)

a @Maanling  
isn’t it like,,, midnight for you? shouldn’t you be asleep?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
yeah ive tried but like for the past two nights i just havent been able to bc my brain is like,,,,,,shit

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
whats wrong my guy, do we need to call doctor strange to wizard u to sleep

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
it’s kinda hard to explain??

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
but basically my brain has trouble focusing on completely different things at once, like i cant watch star wars while writing AHWM fanfiction??

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
like the main thing is i can’t think about multiple fandoms at once, or my brain goes wack

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
the best way i can think to describe it is i hyperfixate? but on rare occasions i fixate on two or more different things, and my brain cant figure out which one to think about and so my thoughts are jumping between multiple things

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
like right now i’m thinking about AHWM, Mandolorian (very good btw), and Hazbin Hotel

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
and normally, in order to sleep, it helps me to like mentally write fanfiction or something

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
but i cant fo c u s so i cant s l e e p 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
wait u write fanfiction

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
jiqghkuali maybe

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
oH MY GODD i know EXACTLY what u mean!!!!!

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
yes!!! someone gets me!!!

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
when it happens to me i try to do like a wacky, crack-fic-ey crossover kinda thing

jordan @SimplySkipper  
yeah bit like Star Wars, Hazbin, and AHWM are like cOMPLETELY different universes. like one is a long time ago in a galaxy far, far, away, one is in literal h-e-double-hockey-sticks, and one is this wacky-ass fever dream featuring hot man creating a bunch of hot men ((((yancy))))

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
auifhrkhsi im so gay for yancy <33333

noods @nooodlen   
im pretty sure everyone is, gah hes so perfect

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
u can make it work!!! maybe u could do a dr who type thing where like,,, people can travel through time and space and accidently cause a mashup???

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
my favorite way to crossover is to have protag who is totally not a self insert who can travel between realities and there’s accidently a gap in them and suddenly protag has to deal with people being wack to eachother while tryna fix it

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
Like Sam and Dean freaking out when they run into Alastor bc wholy hecc he powerful, while mandadlorian is bonding with lieutenant hank anderson over accidently becoming fathers to literal angel babeys 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
!!! my favorite trope ever!!!! angry man who cant deal with his own emotions becomes dad to literal babey!!!!!

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
that is my shIT!!! 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
im loving these crackhead crossovers we;re coming up with here but yall need to get to sleep 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ugh fine ill down some melatonin and yeet

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
gnigt 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
me n the boys  
(*image of peter and ned making faces imitating the meme, while we see a very disappointed tony stark watching through the window of a fancy car in the background*)

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
me n the boys  
(*image of t’challa spraying water out of his mouth, obviously shocked, as a very thicc man is cleaning something off the floor in front of him ;)*) 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
eskafirhsklsj is he ok????

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
i just ruined t’challa’s reputation, but everything is good 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
no!!!! king t’challa!!! hes gonna be so upset :c

nya~ @T’ChallaofWakanda  
Shuri, I’m going to have to ask you to remove that image, please.

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
no c:<

\---

witch binch @scarletwitch  
I love my boyf but god he is an idiot sometimes

noods @nooodlen  
Wait you have a boyfriend?

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
lesbians, evacuate

witch binch @scarletwitch  
Don’t worry, I’m bi. But yeah, I’m taken

sondic @sp33diskey  
my sister is dating a fucking toaster

witch binch @scarletwitch  
Dont be mean to Vision! He’s not a toaster, he’s just an android! 

Toaster @vision-offical  
I am a toaster, a blender, an ipad, a knock-off bucky barnes, a rock, and a member of the blue man group, according to Pietro. 

sondic @sp33diskey  
and yall said i have low standards

thighs @murderousredhead  
Whoever just threw Pietro through the wall into the kitchen, the repairs for Clint’s Fridge aren’t gonna be coming from your allowance, don’t worry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i project onto peter too much :)
> 
> also i normally don't really support straight relationships in stuff like this bc they always feel so forcced and wack but wanda and vision are so cute and good for each other <3333


	12. top???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is tony starch a top or bottom, who is his boyf, guacamole

meoww @lolitwontgivemeausernameiamsad  
okay i know we’ve all been meaning to ask; is tony stark a top or bottom

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
bottom

meoww @lolitwontgivemeausernameiamsad  
woa ok that was fast??? do u mind defending ur answer bc he kinda seems like a top to me???

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr stark invented something called a power bottom

meoww @lolitwontgivemeausernameiamsad  
????

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ok reasons why mr starch is a bottom:  
\- he’s chaotic dumbass who can’t take care of himself  
\- he is short ((like im about his height dfkasfks)  
\- he gives power energy but,,, doesnt   
\- dr strange is a 100% top

a @Maanling  
who is dr strange and why are they involved in this conversation??

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
???? u dont know???

a @Maanling  
no???

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ok so dr strange was this super cool and talented neurosurgeon until he got into a car accident (don’t text and drive) and screwed up his hands

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
he tried everything to fix them bc he missed his job and whatnot and eventually found this guy who lost the ability to walk who was walking and was told about this wacky voodoo temple where he could learn wizardry and shit

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
so dr strange became a wizard and fixed his hands and saved the world a couple hundred times but like bc he can control time u have no idea

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
he also has this super rad sentient cloak who floats around and kills people and shit

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
yeah but how does dr strange and his coat buddy relate to tony stark being a bottom???

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
shut!! i was getting to that!!

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
so dr strange recently became an avenger who doesnt’ live in the compound but he’s like bros with us and we work together and stuff ((one time he yote me through a bunch of portals it was so feckin rad))

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
but as soon as mr stank and dr strange made eye contact they became hopeless gays who love each other but have no idea how to acknowledge it so they just flirt and hate each other

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
like 98% of those who live in the compound have made bets on the two isjszhfquidiak

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
what if i just

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
@I-Am-Iron-Man we’re talkin about u and ur boyf

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
!!! NODONT LET HIM SEE HE’S SUPPOSED TO FIGURE THIS OUT!!!

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
I have no idea what kind of delusions Peter and the other Avengers are under, but I am in no way a “hopeless gay who loves” Dr. Strange. We are coworkers, and friends, but not in love. 

thighs @murderousredhead  
You wish, Stark.

Toaster @vision-offical  
I have a very small understanding of Human Emotions, Stark, but even I can see that the two of you are more than friends. 

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Just accept it, Stark, you and the wizard are very close. @Dr-Stephen-Strange, tell him!

Sorcerer Supreme @Dr-Stephen-Strange  
No. 

Captain Marvel @captainmar-vel  
Listen, Strange and Stark, I am a dumbass lesbian. I have only one braincell and all it can do is muscle. I am dumb jock who flirt with muscle and only can muscle. But even I, dumb jock lesbian, can tell yall are gay for each other. 

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Drop it. We are not interested in each other romantically, stop putting these ideas into people’s heads. 

\---

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:)

amole @samwilson  
:)

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:)

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:)

amole @samwilson  
:)

rickrolled @nekofelix  
wHAT THE FUCK THAT SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD NOW FUCK YALL IM LEAVING THE EARTH I WILL NOT LET MYSELF BE ‘DEFENDED’ BY THESE ASSHATS

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:(

amole @samwilson  
:(

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:(

guac @buccaneer-bernes  
:(

amole @samwilson  
:(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i post too much ajifhuijak
> 
> okay so shameless plug but i jjust posted this rad original work which is basically like letters to ur dead lover or somethign except the letters are by a dumbass lesbian who doesn't know how to handle her emotions so she just fckin ghosts her girlfrien and its wack but super angsty and shit and its so fun yall should check it out   
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21739951/chapters/51863218
> 
> thanks,,, love yall <3


	13. blub blub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am angry, spoder is hot, peter is drunk

pikachu @deadpool  
when ur son’s bestfrien calls u  
[*phil swift saying “that’s a lotta damage”, but his face is replaced by Tony Stark’s and damage has been scribbled out and replaced with ‘blood’.*]

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
oI FUCK U MY GUY I CRIED OVER THAT SHIT

pikachu @deadpool  
i did too but u gotta hide the pain with bad memes

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
OI @burdenedwithgloriusfandoms OI FUCK U 

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
but also ur super cool and friendly and i love all ur support and chapters <3333

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
bUt WE NEED MORE UPDATES IS MY S ON OK????

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
;) 

\---

oh @Dumbledork  
I just watched @spider-man-offical freaking YEET himself off of a building and like fall really far and he was this close to going splat and then he webbed himself up and holy shit it was terrifying and awesome at the same time

aLEXAAANDERRR @CamilaEsperaloMiranda  
he be flexin 

spider man fanboi @flashflash  
he rippppedd and hes so cool <3333

ptptpt @miasma-of-plasma  
on top of that he is also a very good boy. we stan 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
thanks guys :”)

im lesbian @BestBossLady  
don’t mind @flashflash he’s just gay

spider man fanboi @flashflash  
no im not!!! Im 100% straight. ur the gay one

im lesbian @BestBossLady  
i know

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
when it be dindin hours

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
pETER IT’S 3 AM GET BACK TO BED

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
sometimes it be dindin hours

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
KID STOP EATING THE SHREDDED CHEESE AND GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
me hongry for cheddar 

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
WHAT THE FUCK 

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
GET OFF THE CEILING ITS NOT GOOD FOR YOU TO EAT UPSIDE DOWN KID

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
c h e d d a r 

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
ALRIGHT IM COMING DOWN THERE PUT THE KNIFE AWAY

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
hiss dont take my ch e d d a r 

i thot u were american @ShuriofWakanda  
what the fuck just happened here on this day 

\---

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Friendly reminder that if Thor or any asgardian offers you some of their alcohol DO NOT ACCEPT. It is toxic to humans and a single sip can get you hammered. I love the asgardians, but DO NOT DRINK ASGARDIAN ALCOHOL. 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
holy shit hangovers suck hhow do yall do this all the time 

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Practice

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
mr stark pls dont do this so much holy shit is this hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if yall want a crackfic featuring superwholockomensandlucifer that is 75% me getting mad because rose tyler was such a bitch to mickey and the other 25% is bois being gay its like the first story in the twitter fic series


	14. ooops

Braincell @FlockPack  
Excuse me, @IAmIronMan, how was @peter-parkour on the cieling last night???

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
binch stole my web shooters >:C

Tony Snark @IAmIronMan  
Also ruined my pERFECTLY GOOD FLOORS by YEETING a ladder across the room once he was done

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
now i have to mop that part aGAIN 

AAAA @DCJoKeRHS  
Mop the floor? Why are you mopping the floor??

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
no the ceiling

zzz @tryingtosleep  
you mOP THE CEILING????

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
you dont??? 

biaster @doctormissy  
recap: spiderman mops the ceiling and leaves his webshooters in places where drunk teenagers can find them 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
iM PRACTICALLY AND ADULT

no 1 dumbass @hela_spawn_of_loki  
shut up ur a child now go to sleep ur hungover

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ugh fine >:c

\---

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
what is it with snakes and stealing my gender >:c

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
i hoard

hiss @anjncrowley  
we steal all the gender >:3

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
oI SHUT UP JANTHONY AND GO BACK TO UR FANFIC

hiss @anjncrowley  
u came to mine, i came to urs 

no 1 dumbass @hela_spawn_of_loki  
let crowley stay c:

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
croWLEY CROWLEY CROWLEY

hiss @anjncrowley  
haha take that peter >:333

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
haha binch >:333

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
>:c 

\---

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
fun fact: dr banner is a vampire

oh @Dumbledork  
*spits out diet coke* 

noods @noodlen  
Explain???

Dr Banner @hulkout  
I took a little bit of your blood for research, that doesn’t make me a vampire. 

sondic @sp33diskey  
he stole some of my blood too :O

Dr Banner @hulkout  
Because you have abilities as well.

Dr Banner @hulkout  
By the way, can you spare some more?

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
(*screenshot of a youtube video, a man with black hair is seen in the corner, presumably playing the game, which is minecraft. In the game is a concerningly large syringe and a fearful gray avatar crouching beneath it*)

sondic @sp33diskey  
exactly what it feels like 

biaster @doctormissy  
aiajahofaofk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys i need ideas for things to happen pls im uncreative and unfunny
> 
> love yall njaiok
> 
> also crossovers with my other twitter fic??? whats this???


	15. pride and proud and minecraft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter is iron man stan, spidey is dumbass and we stan, loki is soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that picture is a lot bigger than i anticpiated but just roll with it here

babey @ThePiMaster  
I just foind this super old Iron Man Stan account that hasn’t been active in ages but holy shit this kid named Peter is obsessed and its lowkey adorable 

boop @Polkadot4946  
oH I know that one!!! Its run by this kid named Peter Parker! He was pretty young when he made it but it is so funny to look through!!!

Braincell @FlockPack  
Wait a minute, isn’t that @peter-parkour? 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  


boop @Polkadot4946  
get back here peter, own up to ur s i ns 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
lISTEN IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO OKAY LIFE IS SHIT AND I THOUGHT IRON MAN COULD SAVE ME 

babey @ThePiMaster  
wait so he didn’t save u???

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
YEAH HE SAVED ME BUT LIKE,,,, IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO DON’T LET HIM SEE

AAAA @DCJoKeRHS  
@IAmIronMan mr starch what do u have to say to this

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
ur dead to me 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
oH SHIT JARVIS JUST ASKED ME TO COME TO HIS LAB GUYS HELL P ME 

babey @ThePiMaster  
f

\---

oh @Dumbledork  
okay spiderman is such a good boy!!! i was out walking my dog and he slammed into a wall in front of me before asking to pet my pup and it was so cute but like is he okay????

uwu @strawberry_mochi  
i was riding a bus that got into a super bad accident, and he got me and everyone out really fast and then he handed me a churro that he was carrying with him the whole time before swinging off

babey @ThePiMaster  
oh!!! one time i was going to a con when he stopped a guy with a gun and complimented my cosplay it was surreal 

ptptpt @miasma-of-plasma  
one time i ran into him at pride!!! he was running around with a trans flag around his shoulders and it was awesome!!!!

oh @Dumbledork  
spiderman is the trans hero we need, but not deserve 

babey @ThePiMaster  
wait he’s trans???

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
his name ends in man, obviously he has got to be trans. i dont make the rules

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
spiderhyphenman has entered the chatroom

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
shit the secret’s out im trans uwu female to male 

babey @ThePiMaster  
and he’s out!!!!! spidey we’re so proud of u!!!!

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
i am very out uwu

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
alsO @Dumbledork LISTEN OKAY IT WAS A VERY CUTE DOG AND I FREAKING HAD TO PET THEM THEY WERE SO FLUFFY AND SOFT AND FRIENDLY AND I CRIED OKAY 

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
this is so fuckin soft im - 

biaster @doctormissy  
sPIDEY U NEED TO COME VISIT US IN EUROPE PLEASE WE LOVE U 

yeehaw @burndenedwithgloriousfandoms  
COME TO AUSTRALIA PLS WE NEED U 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
ahhh ill have to ask mr starch if i can go but ill try!!! if i do ill let yall know!! but im scared of australia they have big scary spiders :c

pikachu @deadpool  
dont worry bby ill protect u from the scary spoders

babey @ThePiMaster  
wait, spider man is scared of spiders????

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
lISTEN OKAY THEY’RE SCARY AND HAVE LOTS OF LEGS AND WANT TO BITE YOU

biaster @doctormissy  
YOU’RE A SPIDER 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
YEAH AND 

oh @Dumbledork  
im cryinf 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
when u anxiety

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
unlock ur door bitch im coming in

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
secrets the governent doesn’t want u to know;  
\- the birds work for the bourgeoisie  
\- everyone has their own fbi agent who is in all ur devices  
\- area 51 is actually where they keep all the friendly ghosts  
\- the god of mischief and lies is actually a big softy and we love them 

zzz @tryingtosleep  
@snake-of-asgard is babey??

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
oi no im not im very mean and scary remember new york

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
actually they was kinda being mind controlled during new york, they regret most of what happened but they wont tell u that

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
>:c

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
lOKI IS BABEY!!!!!

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
bOY

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
ur dead to me boy 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
hey loki wanna play minecraft

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
hell yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the commenter Dumbledork for the ideas on what to write!!!! they're awesome <3 
> 
> i am writing another fic featuring kinda reader insert called "our place in parallel" u should read its very good
> 
> love yall


	16. mmmmmemy exmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> boomers are dicks, thor and peter are good bois, flash burns in hell
> 
> ((Just realized this didn't copy properly, so I'll fix it in the morning shtsvfdgb sorry))  
((iM FREAKING OUT I CANT FIND THE OTHER HALF OF THIS CHAPTER????? LIKE I KNOW I WROTE IT SO WHERE DID IT G O ))

babey @ThePiMaster  
just got bullied by a boomer bc im ace. how is ur day going?

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
me and @hawkeyeoffical are currently hunting down a boomer for bullying someone bc they were ace, thanks for asking

babey @ThePiMaster  
:o

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
i am asexual and it pisses me off when people are mean aout it. like excuse me im perfectly fine thank u i just dont like sex. 

babey @ThePiMaster  
:D t hank mx loki and mr hawkeye

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
one of the best things about being an avenger is the presents u see/get/give

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
the sweetest thing is mr thor, he is learning how to sew so he made something for each of us and he was so excited to give it to us i nearly cried ahijain  
[*picture of thor excitedly holding up a piece of cloth with a little spider-man sewn onto it*]

boop @Polkadot4946  
oh my god hes so cute and happy im crying - 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
excuse me while i hide in a corner all day and read this  
[*picture of a new copy of Good Omens featuring a little christmas card from peter*]

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
now i can finish this and watch the show again 

biaster @doctormissy  
iNEFFABLE HUSBANDS?????

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
ineffable dumbass gays + a car 

hiss @anjncrowley  
eXCUSE ME ITS A BENTLY AND ITS A VERY GOOD CAR 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
shut up old man and go back to ur fanfiction

\---

Dr. Banner @hulkout  
As a doctor with seven PHD’s, I would like to inform you that being asexual does NOT mean you are broken. I myself am asexual, and am still in a good relationship. Please do not insult someone for not being interested in sex. Trust me, I’m a professional. 

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
fuck hes taken, gays move out

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
but thank u for saying this, my most recent child who i adopted against their will (@ThePiMaster) is asexual and so is my little sister so its good to see authorities speaking up for them <3

Dr. Banner @hulkout  
Of course! If anyone is bothering the three of you or even anyone else about their sexuality, let me know. I will fight someone over this. 

nooods @nooodlen  
this just in: dr banner is now dad to all asexuals 

babey @ThePiMaster  
wait u adopted me???

Jordan @Simply_Skipper  
yes now drink some water ur dehydrated

\---

thighs @murderousredhead  
i love my son  
[*picture of peter excitedly offering the camera a custom-made mug featuring natasha making a really funny face captioned “when clint walks into the room”*]

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mer y christmas nerds aohnjkkmk
> 
> what did yal get? i got a new phone!! and i got super smash brothers ultimate!!! and fLANNELS!!!
> 
> love you guys gals and non-binary pals


	17. bad days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki reminices, spodey is scary, ;;)
> 
> warning: kinda TW in the beginning?

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
it be like that sometimes :c

funf @the_fifth_marauder101  
aw, whats up loki? :(

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
my dad, thats whats up 

brain nerd @Serenitysfire98  
You’ve mentioned him before, wasn’t he abusive? 

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
and a cold-hearted murderer, yeah. im so glad hes dead.

Detective PIKA @Yoonhoonie  
and a murderer? jeez, your dad sucked

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
Murderer? Yes, he killed on the battlefield, but that is war. Is this different?

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
yeah dumbass, im talking about my kids 

slorp @Ice-The-Creams  
Your wHAT>???

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
yeah, i had a few. there was Hel (who i never realized was named similarly to my older sister, who dad ALSO tortured and punished for no reason), Fenrir, and Jormungandr. despite what people may think, i loved them dearly. they made me so proud and happy. but dad was mad at me for doing my own thing, so he tortured and killed them and my lover, Angrbotha

Oreo Fan @Fae_Eternal  
Holy… that’s awful! He got away with that? Why did he do that? It wasn’t their fault? 

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
He… He actually did this? And I was never told?

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
you didn’t know???? asgard didnt know about this???

God of Hammers @thor-odinson  
I… No, no one knew about this. I cannot believe he would…

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
do such a thing? news flash, dad fucking hated me, and did eveyrthing to make my life misrable. theres a reason i act the way i do

\---

God of Hammers @thorsthunder  
A small announcement, to prevent any confusion, I’ve changed my username from @thor-odinson to @thorsthunder. 

\---

robin hood @hawkeyeoffical  
last night at 3 am i went to get cheddar from the kitchen and as im rooting through the fridge i heard quietly above me “bored bored bored bored vored wait fuck-” and i have elected to never go into that room after dark 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
;) 

PRIDE @a_mry   
what the heck that sounds terrifying??? maybe i dont want to be an avenger anymore 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
dont try to escape me, a_mry ;;;;)))

PRIDE @a_mry   
highkey terrifying um i think im going to go now - 

\---

horned lesbian @helahot  
im angry, bored, i wanna fuck. any single girls in NY who are interested??? ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to commenter Serenitysfire98 for the idea of loki's kids! im re-read niel gaiman's norse mythology book to refresh so idk how good it is, but we may get mor angst about it soon uwu 
> 
> i stole the "bored bored bored" bit from ViviCatLover's D.Va story so thanks mate 
> 
> any cisgender, not-straight american females who wanna be part of the next bit? i have an idea but i dont wanna assume anything uwu ((in case u guessed it involves hela who is gonna get a big of an explination soon))


	18. homoshrexual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: LOTS OF SEXUAL REFERENCEs
> 
> aka; hela is very gay and very thirsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> delving in the wonders of group chats

If u like @Cecicolada  
Hey, @thorsthunder and @snake-of-asgard, who’s @helahot? I noticed you’re both following her and was kinda curious.

God of Hammers @thorsthunder  
That’s our older sister, Hela. She was born many years before us, and she was also cast out of Asgard and imprisoned by our father. We only met her recently, and after a bit of fighting we realized that Father had been cruel to her and that we didn’t agree with this, so we managed to make up. :) 

horned lesbian @helahot  
im now living in new york and officially stealing the virginity of every woman i meet

love @lavie  
Iajfkojknl iconic 

horned lesbian @helahot  
my work has officially begun, just slept with someone, lock up your daughters and horses

God of Hammers @thorsthunder  
Just be careful not to hurt anyone, Hela, mid guardians are rather delicate. 

horned lesbian @helahot  
the kinky ones are the best ones ;) ((((elina)))))

Elina @ElinaMonster  
is this a callout 

horned lesbian @helahot  
you literally said i can step on you when we met 

Elina @ElinaMonster  
lISTEN OK YOU ARE A HOT GIRL AND IM A LESBIAN WHAT DO YOU EXPECT

\---

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
I thought I used to be a playboy, but then Thor and Loki brought their older sister to the compound. 

horned lesbian @helahot  
its only been three chicks

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
It’s been five days since you got here

horned lesbian @helahot  
ive been taking it slow 

\---

Group chat: Assguard  
Members: helahot, thorsthunder, snake-of-asgard

helahot: was no one going to tell me how great coffee was or was i supposed to figure this out myself

snake-of-asgard: just wait until i take you to starbucks

helahot: ill turn it into starfucks

thorsthunder: No sex in the coffee shop, Hela. 

helahot: damn

helahot: also that peter kid? would die for him. he is too good for this planet. 

snake-of-asgard: we like the spider boy

thorsthunder: Add him to the chat! :D 

helahot: aDD HIM ADD HIM

snake-of-asgard added peter-parkour to the chat.

peter-parkour: hewwo

snake-of-asgard: greetings, boy 

thorsthunder: Peter! Peter!

helahot: hello, spider child 

peter-parkour: hi gays 

\---

u fool @DWHPJSherlocked  
good news gays; can check ‘smashing an asguardian’ off my bucket list

Gae @medusawiththesnekhair   
i thought you were lesbian 

u fool @DWHPJSherlocked  
there’s this new emo chick who loves coffee and is very lesbian 

lesbian @Arty_Girl  
I’ve seen her… she’s so pretty…

miles m @RoseKissesx   
she’s very pretty,,,,,,, best experience of my life

smart @cowboi  
jeepers how many people has she done the do with

genderwho? @LoganIsRelatable   
yes

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oob im not dead owo
> 
> sorry i havent been posting much haha, ive been really hyperfixated on fnaf s,fkskmf 
> 
> umb,,, ,yeah so there
> 
> let me know what u want,, ig,,,  
love yall aopjdn


	19. lefts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> plural rights + dumbasses

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
*taps mic*  
*leans forward*  
*clears throaght*  
plural rights

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
*thunderous applause*

\---

Subscribe to @CallMeCarson  
yall ever diet?

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
*thunderous applause*

\---

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
*gently slams hands on table*   
factive rights

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
a hero

\---

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Wikihow to google terms while a pair of excited teenagers explain plural rights

sondic @sp33diskey  
get good old man

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Excuse me, silver boy? Do you realize who you are talking to? Who pays for your three AM cheese expeditions with Peter? Me. Who pays for the expensive beds you are constantly tearing apart by jumping into at one hundred miles per hour? Me. Who pays for your netflix account? Me.

sondic @sp33diskey  
sorry i cant hear u over ur old man grumbling

Tony Snark @I-Am-Iron-Man  
Next time you annihilate a bed, I will remember this moment. 

sondic @sp33diskey  
ok boomer

\---

tweet @Birdy_f   
whoever this sondic kid is, i kin them

Hands how????@Artistkitty  
honestly same

Ogres have @layr  
local sonic kin smack talks billionaire Tony Stark publicly, later dies of starvation because all his shredded cheese is gone

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
today i met someone who was very cool and literally everyone else started calling me a simp. this is abuse. im not a simp okay hes just very cool.

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
to those who ar e asking, i ran into bbc sherlock and nearly cried when he said hi to me.

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
it was a random discord server we were vibin in and someone mentioned him and we all went feral

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
someone joined the conversation and only said “a” so naturally we all began saying “a” and mr holmes refused and kept expresing how dumb it was

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
everyone cyberbullied him until he finally said “a” and we cried in joy

yeehaw @burdenedwithgloriousfandoms  
we all can rest safe now that we have got sherlock to say “a” 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
indeed 

\---

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
its been three days and everyone’s still calling me a simp

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
on the plus side mr holmes’ headmates have been giving us constant sherlock updates. a hero. thamk u tyler for ur service to this earth

\---

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
imagine not updating a fic for three months and then coming back to confuse everyone with plurality

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
couldn’t be me

Henry @HenryLily  
Jordan. 

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
yall ever heard of this witcher thing? 

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
yeah

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
anyways um dandelion is most definitely a simp for geralt change my mind 

yeeter yarker @peter-parkour  
simp ly skipper

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
ban

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
jordan is most definitely a simp for geralt change my mind

Jordan @SimplySkipper  
shut up arachnid boy

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
shut up geralt kin

\---

dont boop the snoot @snake-of-asgard  
I believe it was important to make you all aware that Spider-man, the Spider Themed superhero, is terrified of spiders.

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
eXCUSE ME 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
THAT SPIDER WAS HUGE AND TERRIFYING OKAY 

spoder man @spider-man-offical  
IT WAS VERY SCARY I HAD EVERY RIGHT TO BE SCARED

no 1 dumbass @hela_spawn_of_loki  
shut up arachnid boy

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gues whos not fuckin dead
> 
> yeah um stuffhas been wack but we vibin
> 
> in case ur curious about terms, im ur dictionary now dont @ me  
(but like im not great @ knowing terms so like if im wrong im sorry hhh pls correct me)
> 
> plural/plurality: being plural. think kin, dissasociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder), etc  
factive: basically having an alter or kinning someone who is like a real person
> 
> we gonna do questions and if u dont answer them in the comments ur banned (not realy ily)  
do u kin or are u plural? or neither? owo am interest
> 
> sorry i havent been responding to comments recently ive just been like "aaaahwhat"
> 
> love yall <3

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!! please leave comments and kudos please it is my only source of joy in this cruel world,,,
> 
> <33333333 
> 
> ((also i might steal people's usernames bc im not creative thx bye))
> 
> ((ALSO! I have a discord! im not the most active there but it would be cool if u could join uwu https://discord.gg/mPw3eqB ))


End file.
